In this thought-provoking episode, Malcolm and Simone delve into the controversial topic of parentification, exploring its various definitions and implications for raising children in large families.
I'd have to say I side more with Simone on this, but it's not a huge disagreement with Malcolm after he clarified that the parents should be doing far more than their kids both inside and outside the home. Ultimately it was the parents' choice and theirs alone to have each kid, so the responsibility falls on them, but part of your job as parent is to prepare your kids for independence, and gradually giving more responsibility for siblings to older kids is a great way for them to learn how to care for children in their eventual families. Also I strongly disagreed with the parenting practice of admonishing kids for not cleaning up each other's messes because that sets terrible incentives for good behavior. Now, if you see a mess and want to force the sibling who made the mess to clean it up, that is perfectly fine.
I frequently find myself at odds with people in my social circles because I don't see the issue with expecting older siblings to look after younger siblings; I know I did to a certain extent, even going so far as to enforce rules and mete out punishments when I think he'd wronged. This was not pushed by my parents, and they would try to be the primary disciplinarians by suppressing my more punitive nature, but they also allowed us to have our own dynamic — allowing our relationship to become one of mutual respect, acceptance of differences, confidentiality, and no BS.
Anyway, most people express a disdain for the loss of childhood that could be experienced by kids who end up caring for children, but I think that's setting the contemporary way as the default, when what was historical has a better claim to being the default. That said, it makes more sense to refer to the modern age as one of prolonged childhood, the attendant consequences of which we've become all too accustomed to. Peter Gray's "Free to Learn" emphasizes the importance of mixed-age interactions and play in childhood, which frequently teaches kids how to play fair, look after/encourage each other, compromise, test boundaries, pseudo-parent (older), and moderate extreme emotions/behaviors to not be benched (younger). I see the kids in my neighborhood and how supportive they are of each other's siblings, even when adults aren't supervising, and I think this is a function of allowing all the kids to play together. They can be rowdy, but they also moderate this depending on who they're playing with. Plus they're all psychologically healthy!
Last thing I'll dispute is that the family should be communist/socialist. Just because it doesn't have prices doesn't mean that there isn't a market at play, and in this case the parents set the "rules of the game." That's not to say it's capitalist either since there is certain extent of "coercion" going on, which is necessary because you're dealing with children. Families are more like corporations, where there are still commands being given at the top, but there is cooperation and cross-talk both vertically and horizontally within. Also people usually don't starve in families anymore, so...
I'd have to say I side more with Simone on this, but it's not a huge disagreement with Malcolm after he clarified that the parents should be doing far more than their kids both inside and outside the home. Ultimately it was the parents' choice and theirs alone to have each kid, so the responsibility falls on them, but part of your job as parent is to prepare your kids for independence, and gradually giving more responsibility for siblings to older kids is a great way for them to learn how to care for children in their eventual families. Also I strongly disagreed with the parenting practice of admonishing kids for not cleaning up each other's messes because that sets terrible incentives for good behavior. Now, if you see a mess and want to force the sibling who made the mess to clean it up, that is perfectly fine.
I frequently find myself at odds with people in my social circles because I don't see the issue with expecting older siblings to look after younger siblings; I know I did to a certain extent, even going so far as to enforce rules and mete out punishments when I think he'd wronged. This was not pushed by my parents, and they would try to be the primary disciplinarians by suppressing my more punitive nature, but they also allowed us to have our own dynamic — allowing our relationship to become one of mutual respect, acceptance of differences, confidentiality, and no BS.
Anyway, most people express a disdain for the loss of childhood that could be experienced by kids who end up caring for children, but I think that's setting the contemporary way as the default, when what was historical has a better claim to being the default. That said, it makes more sense to refer to the modern age as one of prolonged childhood, the attendant consequences of which we've become all too accustomed to. Peter Gray's "Free to Learn" emphasizes the importance of mixed-age interactions and play in childhood, which frequently teaches kids how to play fair, look after/encourage each other, compromise, test boundaries, pseudo-parent (older), and moderate extreme emotions/behaviors to not be benched (younger). I see the kids in my neighborhood and how supportive they are of each other's siblings, even when adults aren't supervising, and I think this is a function of allowing all the kids to play together. They can be rowdy, but they also moderate this depending on who they're playing with. Plus they're all psychologically healthy!
Last thing I'll dispute is that the family should be communist/socialist. Just because it doesn't have prices doesn't mean that there isn't a market at play, and in this case the parents set the "rules of the game." That's not to say it's capitalist either since there is certain extent of "coercion" going on, which is necessary because you're dealing with children. Families are more like corporations, where there are still commands being given at the top, but there is cooperation and cross-talk both vertically and horizontally within. Also people usually don't starve in families anymore, so...