Listen now | In this engaging episode, we delve into the complexities of human sexuality, challenging traditional views and misconceptions influenced by political events from the 1980s.
Some major contradictory points here, but first, it's not at all clear what you talking about.
First of all "blow jobs". Does the term refer to cunnilingus and fellatio or the later exclusively? Because the term is actually used for both. And is the question regarding giving or receiving? None of this is clear at all. Same goes for anal sex - giving or receiving? And tickling - does it mean tickling someone or being tickled? Same with obedience - obeying or being obeyed? It's hard to gauge anything from your graphs as long as these questions remain.
Also are these porn categories? Because "skirts" - isn't that a porn genre (often non-consentual) where cameras are aimed up people's skirts? Also, what is referred to as "choking" is actually strangulation (and one could argue, attempted murder). Choking is when you get food stuck in your throat.
There also seems to be some conflating of, as you put it, "violence, power, sadism" with, as you put it "submissiveness, receptivity". I don't see the connection. A person who enjoys laying back and taking a passive approach to a lovemaking session, receiving the stimulation from her/his partner is not in any way signaling a desire to be aggressed against. And while not looking pro-active, is also not displaying submission. After all, it is their partner who is "serving" them his/her sexual skills, so one could say the visibly active partner is the one submissive to his/her partner's needs and the receptive partner is the dominant one in receiving.
I would be careful in categorizing either receptive or giving partners as bdsmexual.
Another thing, you argue that violent point is not common and then argue that women like violent porn. OK, I guess one could argue that women porn viewers themselves are not common (not true) and if out of them a portion like violent porn that goes to show that violent porn is not common, but we know it is. You say yourself here, "many tendersexual feminists are very upset about how ‘degrading’ porn is. Women are spit on, slapped around, choked! How bad and offensive!" --- Well doesn't that indicate that violent porn is, in fact, very common?
These are not things that one has to get on the "dark web" to find.
At any rate, at least you acknowledge you are dealing with a very small sample size when you say things like "women prefer more violent porn than men do" otherwise I would have to refer you to India where the videos of actual rapes get downloaded millions of times over by men.
You seem to hold the opinion that the woman looking, as you put it, "distressed", vs looking "eager, slutty" (again, your words), is the single arbiter of whether porn is violent or degrading. That somehow if she can contort her face a certain way or coax certain words out of her mouth then it is non-violent, non-degrading, maybe even sending an "empowering" message out into the world.
Now as far as human evolution, you write, "... if you look at evolution and apes and a whole lot of history, it’s actually kind of weird that bdsmexuality isn’t the default. Power, ownership, dominance, jealousy, harassment, and yes - even full out rape - are integral parts of all of our closest relatives (minus the bonobos, mostly). Sexual violence has been among the biggest factors that shaped which of our ancestors got to reproduce and which didn’t. For example, one theory is that the females that were attracted to sexually aggressive males, were more likely to have sexually aggressive (and thus more sexually successful) sons."
--- Yet humans evolved beyond that and built civilizations. Civilizations require high levels of cooperation. Interesting that you cite bonobos as "minus, mostly". They are considered amongst the most, if not the most, "civilized" in behavior among the non-human primates. They avoid violence and agression by upping the ante with... affectionate touch and sex... of all things.
Do you have the link to Ala’s Substack piece?
Her name is Aella and this is the post Simone and Malcolm mostly talk about: https://aella.substack.com/p/the-other-sexual-orientation
The graphs Malcolm is showing at ~3:00 are not from this post, though. They are from another one of Aella's posts but I couldn't find it.
Here's the comment I left on Aella's substack:
Some major contradictory points here, but first, it's not at all clear what you talking about.
First of all "blow jobs". Does the term refer to cunnilingus and fellatio or the later exclusively? Because the term is actually used for both. And is the question regarding giving or receiving? None of this is clear at all. Same goes for anal sex - giving or receiving? And tickling - does it mean tickling someone or being tickled? Same with obedience - obeying or being obeyed? It's hard to gauge anything from your graphs as long as these questions remain.
Also are these porn categories? Because "skirts" - isn't that a porn genre (often non-consentual) where cameras are aimed up people's skirts? Also, what is referred to as "choking" is actually strangulation (and one could argue, attempted murder). Choking is when you get food stuck in your throat.
There also seems to be some conflating of, as you put it, "violence, power, sadism" with, as you put it "submissiveness, receptivity". I don't see the connection. A person who enjoys laying back and taking a passive approach to a lovemaking session, receiving the stimulation from her/his partner is not in any way signaling a desire to be aggressed against. And while not looking pro-active, is also not displaying submission. After all, it is their partner who is "serving" them his/her sexual skills, so one could say the visibly active partner is the one submissive to his/her partner's needs and the receptive partner is the dominant one in receiving.
I would be careful in categorizing either receptive or giving partners as bdsmexual.
Another thing, you argue that violent point is not common and then argue that women like violent porn. OK, I guess one could argue that women porn viewers themselves are not common (not true) and if out of them a portion like violent porn that goes to show that violent porn is not common, but we know it is. You say yourself here, "many tendersexual feminists are very upset about how ‘degrading’ porn is. Women are spit on, slapped around, choked! How bad and offensive!" --- Well doesn't that indicate that violent porn is, in fact, very common?
These are not things that one has to get on the "dark web" to find.
At any rate, at least you acknowledge you are dealing with a very small sample size when you say things like "women prefer more violent porn than men do" otherwise I would have to refer you to India where the videos of actual rapes get downloaded millions of times over by men.
You seem to hold the opinion that the woman looking, as you put it, "distressed", vs looking "eager, slutty" (again, your words), is the single arbiter of whether porn is violent or degrading. That somehow if she can contort her face a certain way or coax certain words out of her mouth then it is non-violent, non-degrading, maybe even sending an "empowering" message out into the world.
Now as far as human evolution, you write, "... if you look at evolution and apes and a whole lot of history, it’s actually kind of weird that bdsmexuality isn’t the default. Power, ownership, dominance, jealousy, harassment, and yes - even full out rape - are integral parts of all of our closest relatives (minus the bonobos, mostly). Sexual violence has been among the biggest factors that shaped which of our ancestors got to reproduce and which didn’t. For example, one theory is that the females that were attracted to sexually aggressive males, were more likely to have sexually aggressive (and thus more sexually successful) sons."
--- Yet humans evolved beyond that and built civilizations. Civilizations require high levels of cooperation. Interesting that you cite bonobos as "minus, mostly". They are considered amongst the most, if not the most, "civilized" in behavior among the non-human primates. They avoid violence and agression by upping the ante with... affectionate touch and sex... of all things.