What is alpine divorce? This episode breaks down the viral outdoor trend where partners get left behind on hikes, climbs, and trail adventures. We explore the term’s surprising literary origins, recent social media stories, and a high-profile negligence case on Austria’s highest peak, then look at how mismatched fitness, pacing, and expectations turn outdoor dates into breakups.
From Grand Canyon and desert peak accounts to crowded trail TikToks and the wider man-versus-bear conversation, we examine outdoor culture, preparedness, and why solo travel content can paint an unrealistic picture of wilderness risk. The hosts share personal near-misses, national-park safety stats, and practical takeaways on communication, chivalry, and knowing when a hike simply isn’t a good date idea.
Show Notes
“On social media, women describe alpine divorce as going on a hike, climb or other outdoor adventure with a male partner, only to be abandoned or left behind – perhaps he went too fast and neglected to wait, or a fight on the trail resulted in him storming off. Breakups have quickly followed.
In a TikTok with more than 4.2m likes, a woman bawls as she takes shaky steps down a rock formation. “He left me by myself, I should have never come with him,” sobs the woman, who did not respond to a request for comment. Others flooded the comments section with stories about being served with an alpine divorce. One woman described a 12-hour journey out of the Grand Canyon after her boyfriend ditched her, during which she was assisted by a “very nice man from Norway” who carried her backpack. Another described getting lost in the woods after a man left her behind, and immediately blocking his number once she got home.
There’s that male ego element to it that’s not necessarily evil … but it usually has a negative effect on the partner.
Many of the women described having some level of dependence on their partner in nature. They may not have been carrying the right supplies or enough water, or were not familiar with the terrain, making them feel vulnerable.
“It’s such a common thing,” said Julie Ellison, the first female editor-in-chief of Climbing magazine who now works as an outdoor lifestyle photographer. She has heard “so many stories” about men fumbling outdoor dates. “There’s that male ego element to it that’s not necessarily evil or ill-intentioned, but it usually has a negative effect on the partner who’s being left behind.”
A recent case study illustrates this point: last month, an amateur Austrian mountaineer was found guilty of gross negligence manslaughter for leaving his exhausted girlfriend behind on his country’s highest peak while he went in search of help. The man, a Salzburg chef identified only as Thomas P, said he was “endlessly sorry” for her death, and his lawyer called it a “tragic accident”. But Thomas P could not explain why he failed to wrap his freezing girlfriend in her emergency blanket before heading down the mountain without her. Earlier in their trek he had also told a police officer over the phone that they did not need any help, even though a rescue helicopter was made available to them.
A former girlfriend testified that Thomas P had left her behind on a trail during a hike in 2023 – “so that was the last mountain expedition we undertook together”, she said.
Outdoor culture romanticizes pushing your limits and flexing endurance. Folk heroes have been made out of rugged men such as Timothy Treadwell, the environmentalist who was mauled by the grizzly bears he lived alongside, or Christopher McCandless, who eschewed society to live alone in the wild and later died of starvation. “There’s this emphasis on strength, independence and stoicism that is really embedded in the way males are taught to prioritize character traits,” said Doriel Jacov, a New York-based therapist who specializes in relationship patterns. “Masculinity seems to play a role in how alpine divorce manifests in real life.”
A man walking 100ft ahead of his girlfriend because he cannot be bothered to wait for her is bad manners. But failing to properly care for someone in an environment they’re not prepared to handle alone can cause real harm. “I can’t see how leaving someone in a highly unsafe position wouldn’t qualify as an abusive dynamic, especially if [the man] is aware to some degree that that’s what they’re doing,” said Jacov.
Naomi, 46, an educator and member of the Wine Hiking Society, a community organization for women that promotes outdoor exploration and socialization, was not surprised when she saw discussion of alpine divorce on TikTok. “It feels like another version of a #MeToo story to me,” she said. “My response is like, well of course [this happens].”
About 20 years ago, Naomi hit Deseret Peak, an 11,036ft (3,363-metre) mountain close to her home in Salt Lake City, with two friends: another woman and a man who she had a “close” but not romantic relationship with. On the way up, Naomi started to feel disoriented, possibly from altitude sickness. But the man, who was chasing a goal of hiking the highest peak in every county in Utah, did not want to stop. (Naomi requested to use only her first name for the sake of privacy.)
The man and woman left Naomi on the way up. She knew that they would not come back for her because the trail was a loop, and she feared she would pass out. “I felt like I had to crawl on my hands and knees, and finally I made it to the top.”
Naomi eventually stopped hiking with the man. “I realized at some point that every bad thing that would happen to me outside, he was the common denominator,” she said. “I would find myself in sketchy situations that were way outside my comfort zone, which is often a theme in these stories of either being left behind or pushing yourself beyond your limit.”
A few years ago, Naomi was hiking Arches national park in Utah when her group noticed a woman lying on the ground in distress.
The woman told them she suffered from severe vertigo – not ideal given the park’s topography – and her date had gone to retrieve his camera after she accidentally dropped it into the bowl near Delicate Arch. “There was no way she was going to get out by herself, and we hiked with her back down to the trailhead,” Naomi said. On the way, they learned that she was on a “second or third date” with the man. “We were asking her, like, ‘So … this might be the last date, huh?’””
What are people posting on Tiktok?
The most famous one with 5.1M views (WHY IS THIS WOMAN FILMING HERSELF WHILE WALKING DOWN DANGEROUS ROCKS)
Reads: POV: you go on a hike with him in the mountains but he leaves you alone by yourself and you realize he never liked you to begin with
As she walks, there are clearly other people on the trail; she is not alone.
Another woman named Lara Marcellin / @thespicypisces444 posted: “PSA ladies never go hiking with a man” with a clip she filmed while she was lost/stranded and trying to find her way.
She describes stepping briefly off-trail (bathroom), then discovering he was gone
Iit took her a long time (reports of ~2 hours) to reach the car.
Multiple millions of views reported; follow-ups discuss the aftermath and trust issues. Covered as another clear example of the same pattern.
There’s one woman who posted a photo of herself with the text “POV you refuse to be the victim of alpine divorce” in which she films herself with her boyfriend on a leash on a hiking trail”
The sister movement of female solo travel
22-year-old Kamryn Renae, aka the “PCT Princess,”went viral while (allegedly) solo thru-hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and has said she funds the trip through OnlyFans.
Ironically on her non-only fans Instagram, where she has 298K followers, she ended up influencing a lot of young women who got into solo hiking/camping because of her
When I looked at her account I found that two women I already follow also follow her
And comments are oddly bifurcated
On one of her latest posts, which includes photos of her wearing a skin-tight white shirt with no bra that says “I <3> books and sex”, comments are a mix of stuff from women who find her aspirational to men who clearly are there for the OF comment
Examples:
Laurenashen: How is this diva hiking the entire PCT trail and looking so cute while doing it?? I would look endlessly ugly 😂
Oceanpeaches: “(Not trying to be weird) but it genuinely must feel SO NICE to hike without a bra on!!”
Ginnicholas: “I have so many questions about your adventures. How do you keep your devices charged. I’m planning a hike of the pct next year and want to create content for my kids and friends do you have any suggestions or pointers”
Heteromationprecariat: I took love books, and sex. However, books are easier to come upon.
A little concerned about her form of influencing?
She hikes in little miniskirts and tight tiny shirts without bras and speaks in a little baby voice and most of her equipment is pink
She starts off her days by putting on makeup, painting her nails, etc.
In a YouTube video titled Kamryn Renae and the Paradox of Outdoor Influencers, Broey Deschanel (a female culture commentator) talks about how Kamryn influenced her to get out more, but wrestles with whether her childlike affect is legit or a contrived persona
She also talks about conspiracy theories that she’s not actually hiking the trail solo (instead traveling with a guy), or that she’s possibly staying in hotels at night
Other famous female solo travel influencers:
Alyssa Ramos (My Life’s a Travel Movie)
Liz Carlson (Young Adventuress)
There is definitely OF hiking content.
Pro Tip: JUST DON’T
People die hiking. But also, men die more so maybe don’t depend on them?
Men die at far higher rates than women in U.S. National Park Service (NPS) sites. Across multiple years of data, men consistently account for roughly 75–85% of fatalities (most commonly cited around 80%), while women account for the remaining 15–25% of cases where sex is recorded. Visitation is roughly equal by gender.
*in fairness the overall risk remains very low relative to the hundreds of millions of annual recreational visits (e.g., ~0.11 deaths per 100,000 visits in 2019).
How this feels apt
What we have here:
Couples failing to thrive
Women going solo
But finding a way to still be funded by men
Episode Transcript
Simone Collins:
Hello, Malcolm. I’m so excited to be speaking with you today because we are going to be speaking about men abandoning women on their hikes in this new trend,
Speaker 39:
That’s hilarious.
Simone Collins:
which is actually not so new, called alpine divorce. The term actually comes from an old book, like, written in the eighteen forties or sixties about a man a story about a man who’s gonna take his wife on an alpine hike, and then, you know, she would conveniently tragically die on the hike, and he’d be fine. But instead, at the at the summit of the mansion or whatever, his his wife tells him that, no. Joke’s on him because she’s called the police and said that she’s been murdered or she’s going to be murdered by her husband. And then she she jumps off the cliff, like, minutes before the police arrived that she called or something. So that’s that’s where this name came from. And now we’re gonna see what people think Alpine divorce is now.
Malcolm Collins:
Wait. So what what what did it used to be you said minutes before the police she called about?
Simone Collins:
She jumped off the mountain. So it was a it was a reverse double trick, you see. Oh, she said I’m gonna
Malcolm Collins:
do an alpine divorce? And then No.
Simone Collins:
I think it’s a book called alpine divorce. That’s where the term comes from. Oh. People are calling this trend alpine divorce.
Malcolm Collins:
So it’s about it’s a book about a lady unaliving?
Simone Collins:
Yeah. But in revenge for her husband who planned on murdering her anyway. So That That’s
Malcolm Collins:
doesn’t sound very revengy. Look. Women be weird.
Simone Collins:
Okay? And that’s really what this is about. I saw a couple of days ago, and this is a it’s a trending article by The Guardian about this trend of men abandoning women on their hiking trips. I’m I’m gonna read a little bit of it, not all of it. I I think it’s very amusing. On social media, women describe alpine divorce as going on a hike, climb, or other outdoor adventure with a male partner only to be abandoned or left behind. Perhaps he went too fast and neglected to wait, or a fight on the trail resulted in him storming off. Breakups have quickly followed. In a TikTok with more than 4,200,000 likes, a woman balls as she takes shaky steps down a rock formation. He left me by myself. I should have never come with him, sobs the woman who did not respond to a request for comment. Others flooded the comments.
Malcolm Collins:
Women in the woods die for man. They desperately want men in the oh oh, I a man or a bear in the woods. The moment you leave them alone. How dare he?
Simone Collins:
Actually, what’s really funny is in some of the social media commentary on this very trend, they’re like, this is exactly why I would choose the bear.
Malcolm Collins:
Oh, you what want the man there so much. That’s why you would choose the bear?
Simone Collins:
No. They no. They would choose the bear because you can’t depend on the man is is their conclusion. Men are so unreliable. They’ll just abandon you. I would prefer a bear. A bear is predictable.
Malcolm Collins:
Okay. Go go into this more. Go into this.
Simone Collins:
Others flooded the comment section with stories about being served with an Alpine divorce. One woman described a twelve hour journey out of the Grand Canyon after her boyfriend ditched her during which she was assisted by, quote, a very nice man from Norway, end quote, who carried her backpack. Another scribes getting lost in the woods after a man left her behind and immediately blocking his number once she got home. There’s that male ego element of it’s not necessarily evil, but it usually has a negative effect on the partner. Many of the women described having some level of dependence on their partner in nature. They may not have been carrying the right supplies or enough water or were not familiar with the terrain, making them feel vulnerable. It’s such a common thing.
Malcolm Collins:
Really hearing here is they would go hiking with men that were carrying more than their share of supplies, that were doing more than their share of the work, and all of a sudden, they have to just manage themselves, and
Simone Collins:
they can’t do it. Spoilers, Malcolm. But it’s such a common thing, says Julie Ellison, the first female editor in chief of climbing magazine who now works as an outdoor lifestyle photographer. She has heard, quote, so many stories, end quote, about men fumbling outdoor dates. There’s that male ego element to it that’s not necessarily evil or ill intention, but it usually has a negative effect on a partner who’s being left behind, end quote. A recent case study illustrates this point. Last month, an amateur Austrian mountaineer was found guilty of gross negligence manslaughter for leaving his exhausted girlfriend behind on his country’s highest peak while he went in search of help. The man, a Salzburg chief identified only as Thomas p, said he was endlessly sorry for her death, and his lawyer called it a tragic accident. But Thomas p could not explain why he failed to wrap his freezing girlfriend in her emergency blanket before heading down the mountain without her because apparently she was incapable of anyway, earlier in their trek, he had also told the police officer over the phone that they did not need any help even though a rescue helicopter was made available to them. A former girlfriend testified that Thomas p had left her behind on a trail during a hike in 2023. Quote, so that was the last mountain expedition we undertook together, she said. Outdoor culture romanticization
Malcolm Collins:
kept dating?
Simone Collins:
Yeah. This is really this is it. That’s interesting. Well, I mean, clearly, they didn’t stay long enough together for you know, because there was another girlfriend and then she died. But you know? Wait. What? Yeah. Thomas p abandoned his girlfriend on the highest peak in Austria.
Malcolm Collins:
Oh, and then she died?
Simone Collins:
Yes. That’s I just read a whole paragraph about how he was just found guilty of gross negligence because he abandoned her.
Malcolm Collins:
Do we have reasons why these men keep abandoning these women? Are they literally when these men are their lifelines being that annoying on mountains?
Simone Collins:
One wonders. One wonders. I will I will read those just a little bit more. Outdoor culture romanticizes pushing your limits and flexing endurance. Folk heroes have been made out of rugged men such as Timothy Treadwell, the environmentalist who was mauled by the grizzly bears he lived alongside, or Christopher Christopher McCanless who eschewed society to live alone and in the wild and later die died of starvation. Quote, there’s endless there’s this emphasis on strength, independence, and stoicism that’s really embedded in the way males are taught to prioritize character traits, said Doreal Jakov, a New York based therapist who specializes in relationship patterns. Quote, masculinity seems to play a role in how alpine divorce manifests in real life. A man walking 100 feet ahead of his girlfriend because he can’t be bothered to wait for her is bad manners, but failing to properly care for someone in an environment they’re not prepared to handle alone can cause real harm. Quote, I can’t see how leaving someone in a highly unsafe position wouldn’t qualify as an abusive dynamic, especially if the man is aware to some degree that that’s not that that that’s what they’re doing, says Jakob. Naomi, 46, an educator and member of the wine hiking society, that sounds like a really bad combination.
Malcolm Collins:
I I that does sound like a terrible combination.
Simone Collins:
I can’t Did pick that up the first time I read this? I this is the this is funny thing. Like,
Malcolm Collins:
knows that, you know, if beer and and hunting and beer and fishing go together
Speaker 7:
Each of you youngins take a gun, a beer, and some smokes. Hey. I’ll blow your freaking head off. Hey. Look out, son. That’s dangerous. You’re gonna spill your beer.
Malcolm Collins:
, But the moment I hear wine and hiking
Simone Collins:
Wine hiking. For some reason, my brain immediately but if
Malcolm Collins:
you’re like, let’s have beer and go hunting, I’d
Simone Collins:
be like, yeah. Of course. Yeah. You know, it’s Oh, god.
Malcolm Collins:
But that’s because I associate women with wine maybe or Yeah.
Simone Collins:
Wine calls. Wine. Yeah. Mhmm. Anyway, Wine Hiking Society, a community organization for women that promotes outdoor exploration and socialization, was not surprised when she saw a discussion of alpine divorce on TikTok. Quote, it feels like another version of a me too story to me, she said. My response is like, well, of course, this happens. About twenty years ago, Naomi hit the desert peak, an 11,003 36 foot mountain close to her home in Salt Lake City with two friends, another woman and a man who she had a close but not romantic relationship with. On the way up, Naomi started to feel disoriented, possibly from altitude sickness. But the man who was chasing the goal of hiking the highest peak in every county in Utah did not want to stop. Naomi requested use of only her first name for the sake of privacy. The man and the woman left Naomi on the way up. She knew that they would not come back for her because the trail was a loop, and she feared she would pass out. I felt like I had to crawl on my hands and knees, and I finally made it to the top. Naomi eventually stopped hiking with the man. I realized at some point that every bad thing that would happen to me outside, he was the common denominator, she said.
Malcolm Collins:
Would find myself in sketchy situations that
Simone Collins:
were way outside my comfort zone, which is often a theme in these stories of either being left behind or pushing yourself beyond your limit. These are just women who don’t hike, I think. and you’re gonna see I I think there’s a connection here. A few a few years ago
Malcolm Collins:
These are women who want guys that are out of their legs and fit, and they’re, like, desperately climbing their way up mountains trying to impress them.
Simone Collins:
Oh, it’s very you know, the parent trap. You know, there’s there’s the the rich girlfriend and the hiking disaster where she, like, puts on her, like this is very, like, actually very apropos. She puts on her, like, sexy influencer hiking outfit, and they all go hiking, and she cannot handle it. That is what this is for sure. It’s the parent trap all over again.
Speaker 9:
What’s going on?
Speaker 10:
Here’s what’s going on, buddy.
Simone Collins:
Second one, obviously. That’s the best one. Lindsay Lohan. She was great. She was great. And her new face is fantastic. Anyway, a few years ago, Naomi was hiking in Arches National Park in Utah when her group noticed a woman lying on the ground in distress. Lying on the ground. The woman told them she she suffered from severe vertigo, not ideal given the park’s topography, and her date had gone to retrieve his camera after she accidentally dropped it into the bowl near the delicate arch. Quote, there was no way she was getting out of her by getting out of there by herself, and we hiked with her back down the trailhead, Naomi said. On the way, they learned that she was, quote, on a second date or a third date with the man. We were asking her, so this might be the last date. But, anyway, yeah, I would probably leave my date if they lie down on the ground and dropped my expensive camera inside a very difficult to access natural depression.
Malcolm Collins:
Wait. Why did she lie down on the ground?
Simone Collins:
Because she suffered from severe vertigo. She she was scared of heights, which you can relate to. I can relate to that, but then don’t go hiking. I’ve never seen you bamf out of a place as fast to that one water slide. The one where
Malcolm Collins:
they just, like, drop you. You’ve forced me on dangerous hikes before. I know exactly what this is like.
Simone Collins:
It’s true. You came this close to Alpine divorcing me. No. I came this close to Alpine, like, literally the original Alpine divorce. Don’t you remember how I almost died?
Malcolm Collins:
Yes. Because I freaking tell you. That’s why we
Simone Collins:
don’t hike anymore because I said you’re gonna die, Simone. Yeah. And it wasn’t because, like, of a lack of stamina. It’s because I’m very clumsy, and I was standing right next to because I don’t suffer from severe photocopying.
Malcolm Collins:
I do not have a good time. About sinful behavior. I I consider, hiking, like, super sinful It is way too easy to die while hiking. Not Yeah. All hiking. Like, if you’re in a general whatever place, but if you’re doing the type of hiking where if you slip, it means you die. Like, what a selfish thing to do.
Simone Collins:
Well and actually so I’m gonna send you to the the OG of this this TikTok, the of the woman that went viral. The the the Guardian articles, she had, like, said she had 4,000,000 views and now has, like, over 5,000,000 views. Watch this. And you’ll see just how irresponsible and sinful she’s being, because she’s literally holding her camera and, like, crying as she’s, like, going down up a fairly difficult to navigate section of rocky terrain. And, like, lady, please don’t you gotta the way she’s gonna navigate this is
Speaker 5:
I know I’m walking alone in his shoes. Can’t let me. I’m Barbie. So nervous. I never came with him. You think about it. Anytime you think about it. You know, do not go. I hate it so much. I feel so terrible. Like, this is the worst Saturday of my life. I could’ve been at home. I could’ve been a break out of my house.
Speaker 12:
That’s hilarious. Hey, I ought to be a stand up.
Malcolm Collins:
Did she need a man to tell her to not farm sympathy like this? Like
Simone Collins:
Well, no. I mean, I think she needed a man to tell her to, like, use all fours if you’re going down a very steep and rocky part of terrain. Like, do not do not walk with two feet holding your phone while sobbing for TikTok. Now keep in mind, she also talks about being abandoned in this video. At the end of the clip, the viral OG alpine divorce TikTok clip, there are just these people walking toward her on the trail. She’s not alone. These are, like, very popular busy trails. She’s not isolated. She can ask for help. Like, this is not
Malcolm Collins:
Oh, and something I would want to, you know, really signal for fans, a trail being popular doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. Oh, no. That’s what
Simone Collins:
I’m worried about most, and we’re gonna get to that too. Yeah. It that is yeah. We’ll get we’ll get to that. Anyway, I’m gonna send you another one that went super viral. This is by a woman who goes by Laura Marcellin, aka the spicy Pisces four four four, which is a delightful name. Saying, PSA, ladies, never go hiking with a man. And she just is kind of, like, wandering through, like, what looks like English Moorland ish. It’s just kind of gray and indistinct.
Speaker 4:
Road trip. Never go hiking with a man. Never go hiking with a man. They basically just stranded me. I don’t even know where the fuck I am. I don’t know where I’m going. I I’m just following a path. I don’t even know if this is the right path. There’s so many, but we walked for at least two hours to get here. So at least I’ve had another two hours back.
Speaker 24:
That’s hilarious. Hey, I ought to be a stand up.
Simone Collins:
And she they they’d hiked two hours out, and she went to go to the bathroom. And then her boyfriend was gone, and so she died two miles or two hours back to get there. And she did all these follow-up videos in the aftermath to discuss her trust issues. And And why did he leave? Nobody knows.
Malcolm Collins:
Could they explain? These women must be so annoying for a guy to just
Simone Collins:
walk off on life. To wonder, like, to what extent, you know, are these women with borderline personality disorder who are engaging in severely toxic behavior where the men are just like, I I will push you off the mountain if we stay together, so I’m going to walk away. You know? Sometimes it’s just best to deescalate. You know? Like, if you if you can’t help but, like, do something violent, you need to walk away sometimes. And I sometimes wonder if that what is what happened here. I mean, obviously, it is a super not okay thing to take someone on a hiking or camping experience if they lack the necessary experience, equipment, or health to complete that trip safely. And I think it’s it’s not cool for guys to do this. I think that in general, like, your whole point, this is hiking is sinful. It just don’t hike. And, also, a lot of people die in national parks every year, like, USA national parks. But even though men and women visit them at about the same rate, guess who dies a lot more? Really? Do women die more in Park City? Around eighty plus percent of the people who die in national parks, even though men and women visit at the same rates, are men. Oh, really? Men are also just way more likely to be super reckless in national parks. And, like, yeah, maybe also, like, don’t don’t trust a man to, like, calibrate properly because men are also way more likely to end up scrubbing out themselves in the middle of some kind of nature adventure. It’s just not it’s not the best idea. But what’s really interesting to me about this is the sister movement of female solo travel, and especially this 22 year old named Cameron Renee who also goes as the PCT princess who went viral while allegedly solo hiking through the Pacific Crest Trail. And she has said that she funds her trip through OnlyFans, and I 100% believe it, and you’ll understand why. Ironically, though, her non OnlyFans Instagram, where she has 298,000 followers, actually influences a lot of young women to get into solo hiking and camping. And a lot of it’s because she we she’ll post her her backpacking hiking routine, and she gets it up in the morning in her little pink tent. And she puts on her tiny little skintight shirt without her bra on and her tiny little skintight miniskirt. And she does her makeup, and she does her nails, and
Malcolm Collins:
she does hair. See this and they think, I want that?
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Looks okay. So, like, on a recent post, like, her second to most recent post where which includes photos of her, by the way, wearing a skin tight white shirt with no bra that if I just, like, Photoshop colored it, like, skin color, she would look naked. Like, I can see every I can see everything. And those this shirt says, I heart books and sex with a little frog on it. And so cute. And the comments on it, I thought would just be, like, only from her male OnlyFans followers. I was like, well, clearly, like, this account can only be followed. No. It is one, when I clicked over to her account, two of the female accounts that I follow on Instagram were following her. Probably I mean, assuming unironically. Also, the the the YouTuber, like, social commentator, Burry Deschanel, also did a whole video on her and talked about how she has encouraged her to get out more. So this woman is influencing other women to solo travel. And so I’m looking at the comments of this, like, clearly OnlyFans bait photo post. and we have Lauren Shannon saying, how is this diva hiking the entire PCT Trail and looking so cute while doing it? I was, like, endlessly ugly. And ocean peaches says, not trying to be weird, but it genuinely must feel so nice to hike without a bra on. Like, they’re not getting it. Ginny Nicholas says, I have so many questions about your adventures. How do you keep your devices charged? I’m planning to hike the PCT next year and want to create content for my kids and friends. Do you have any suggestions or pointers? So she she’s also getting, like, women excited to go out and, like, film themselves hiking solo across this trail. Meanwhile, Brody Deschanel says that she surfaced a lot of conjecture on the lore of this this creator that a lot of people think she’s not actually hiking the trail, that she’s staying in a motel at night, that she is a man with her the whole time who’s also helping her film things. So this may not even be what a lot of people think it is. And, also, there are totally, like, her male audience on Instagram. Like, hetero mation precariat says, I too love books and sex. However, books are easier to come upon. I’ll just leave you with that. Wait. Wait.
Malcolm Collins:
Wait. Who who wrote that where? That’s one of
Simone Collins:
the comments on her look. I’m gonna send you her just go here’s her Instagram, and you can tell me if you I’m just so surprised that that women follow this because it honestly made me a little uncomfortable. I was like, oh, girl. Like, are you safe out there? And, also, like, this is extremely explicit for, like, Instagram. Maybe I’m on the wrong part of Instagram. All my stuff’s like recipes and seasonal stuff. So look at her second post, and look at her shirt.
Malcolm Collins:
Okay. I’ll look at her second post. Okay. The I love books, oh, and sex.
Simone Collins:
You can see everything.
Malcolm Collins:
And then, yeah, makes a stupid a face. Why would anybody make that face?
Simone Collins:
And then she has another photo of an ant on her hand intermixed with photos of her her her headlights blinking brightly through a yellow lace lined shirt. And
Malcolm Collins:
shot. Gross.
Simone Collins:
I know. Doesn’t it make you feel gross looking at it? But, like, women are following this. Look. If you look like a couple posts over, it’s like her lying down provocatively on her her little yellow sleeping bag on top of her pink tarp. It’s very and I’m not gonna ask you to married get and have kids. Like, didn’t She’s 22 years old. You know, that’s, you know That’s a little old. Baby for, like, our time, but, obviously, it’s a great time to get married. Anyway, when if you were to watch her videos, what’s also kind of creepy about it is she does everything in a sexy baby voice and kind of acts like this, like, like a little girl. And it is actually quite dangerous as a as a solo female hiking in isolated areas to travel like this because you don’t know who’s out there. I mean, I’m sure she keeps pepper spray with her and probably bear spray. I don’t know if that trail has bears on it, but I would keep bear spray with me anyway. But, like, that’s not it’s not it’s not it is very risky to travel alone, especially in the wilderness where no one can hear you scream, presumably. Dress like a prostitute? Dress like a well Dress like bait, as you would No. Like, literally dress like bait. And I’m sure she, like, delays her posts and stuff, but now she’s inspiring other young women to go out and hike this trail. Well, you’re being
Malcolm Collins:
a a big girl should wanna meet a bear rather than a man in the woods. Right? You
Simone Collins:
know? No. Honestly, like, I hope she finds the bear. Not the man. Not the man. Very concerned. I really do hope she she travels with a man.
Speaker 26:
Apparently, she ended up having to be airlifted to a hospital.
Simone Collins:
But but there there is a ton of sort of reactionary content to the Alpine divorce discussion that’s taking place, the discourse. Like, one woman on TikTok instead text to or, like, made a video where she put the text over it saying, POV, you refuse to be the victim of alpine divorce in which she films herself with her boyfriend on a leash on a hiking trail. So some women are li
Speaker 3:
When you’re mine in the world, there’s gonna be one less lonely girl. One less lonely girl. One less lonely girl.
Simone Collins:
ke, well, I have control over my boyfriend, whereas other women are just going solo saying they hope they find the bear. And then also, like, low key, still still basically using men to support their travel, but by posting sexy photos. And while I I did find some other really prominent female solo travel influencers, they don’t seem to have OnlyFans. I did create just for this an OnlyFans account and searched hiking. And lo and behold, there is a ton of hiking content. We’ve got didn’t you create your OnlyFans account in another episode? Oh god. How many OnlyFans accounts do I have now? This is unfortunate. I think I might have deleted it, so that’s why I had to do it. Isla Moon who’s swimming in the jungle. And we have Tiffany Tyme, who kicks off her Iceland adventures.
Malcolm Collins:
Oh my god.
Simone Collins:
They’re all wearing, like, no bra and a tight white T shirt. Exploring Point Doom. Exploring beautiful British Columbia. They look like travel shows, but, like, with tits. It’s it’s actually quite funny. But, yeah, I I just find it very ironic that we have this world in which men are abandoning women on hiking trails, but also then women are, like, going out there and, like, managing to combine essentially forms of prostitution, I guess you could argue, with hiking by themselves putting themselves at nontrivial risk doing so. It’s I think we need to yeah. I think society maybe needs some adjustment. I I just find this very interesting, and I would I would encourage people to not to not hike. Or if they have to, then don’t don’t drink and hike. No wine. But, yeah, I’m glad we stay inside. Thanks, Malcolm.
Malcolm Collins:
That that we don’t yeah. Well, so sort of my meta on this Mhmm. Is a few things.
Simone Collins:
Okay.
Malcolm Collins:
Hiking as a date to me feels crazy.
Simone Collins:
Like That is yeah. That’s, murder material. It’s well, I mean, also, if someone invites you on a boat, that’s how you really know you’re screwed.
Malcolm Collins:
Like, there’s I I understand how, like, you’re signaling a certain thing about, you know, your outdoorsy, whatever you’re looking for, the right kind of outdoorsy person. And but I’ve done some date hikes before. I I’ve never had a good date hike.
Simone Collins:
Because you don’t like that.
Malcolm Collins:
They’re always, like, too hot or uncomfortable or whatever. Right? Like, they’re they’re not fun. And they’re often very dangerous, like, hiking, which I think people under undersell. Outside of date hiking what’s my second thought on this?
Simone Collins:
Must be the man I mean, obviously, the the Austrian who just left his girlfriend after refusing a helicopter pickup, I mean, she would have paid. It’s not like he’d be paying for it. I don’t know why. Like, that was gross negligence. I I get it. Like, the court the court was correct on that one, I think. But, like, other guys just leaving their girlfriends behind. I could also imagine
Malcolm Collins:
So the the helicopter offer was before he left her?
Simone Collins:
Yeah. He was on the the phone with a policeman before he left her and refused a helicopter pickup.
Malcolm Collins:
Oh, wait. So she was that, like, out of shape?
Simone Collins:
He was not well. Yeah.
Malcolm Collins:
Yeah. Just like, I’m gonna just stay here and then well, that doesn’t sound so bad anymore because then you could say, well, I’m going down to get help or I’m going down to
Simone Collins:
Yeah. I think that was different from Alpine Divorce because that that sounds more like those Everest disaster stories where Yeah. That you know, people get left behind because it’s getting kinda rough. You know? Now you have to make a call. But I still think he made the wrong call. He should have called the helicopter. Still, these other cases, I kinda get the impression that one like, the the the two viral clips that are actually out there, because there aren’t that many, ultimately. Some women talk about it, is I think that, like, the these are instances that are not necessarily very close people. Sometimes they’re in groups. Sometimes they’re not in exclusive relationships, and they’re like, yeah. Let’s go hiking. And I think that it’s mostly women overplaying that they’re like, oh, go ahead. I’ll catch up with you later. And, you know, they’re not really that in shape, and they’re having a tough time. And they may not be the most pleasant people in the world, so the people don’t wanna hang around. Even you hate walking with me because I’m so freaking slow. So, like, I know what this is like. And then they act all angry when it takes them forever to catch up or, you know, when they have to walk back by themselves because, you know, they walk super slow. But I I don’t really think this is some kind of new trend about men being super wrong, but it is unchivalrous. Like, if you’re gonna bother to take a woman on a hike, that could be, if you actually cared about the woman, like, your chance to be Mhmm. Her hero, you know, to piggy her piggyback her home or something.
Malcolm Collins:
Immediately find out what a whiny
Simone Collins:
Well, which I guess you could say is kind of productive. I mean, this might
Malcolm Collins:
be I I guess the type of woman who starts crying into TikTok the moment she gets left behind. It’s exactly the type of woman who gets left behind.
Simone Collins:
Bullet dodged. Yeah. Well, no. Also wonder have you found any pronunciation?
Malcolm Collins:
And ask AI if you can find any posts on this where a guy explains why he left a girl in an Alpine divorce. Like, are these planned by the guys, or are
Simone Collins:
Oh, they’re not planned.
Malcolm Collins:
No. Like, the guy gets fed up or slightly bored.
Simone Collins:
Okay. Yes. There are documented cases in which men involved later gave explanations in court interviews or as reported by the women. Notable examples, Thomas p, who we discussed, that’s the Austrian. He’s he explained that they agreed he should go ahead and seek help because they could not survive the night together. She allegedly urged him, go now. Go. He believed an earlier phone call had already started the rescue process. The court rejected these explanations as adequate, convinced him of or convicted him of gross negligence and manslaughter, and noted his far greater experience and failures to properly communicate the emergency or stay with her. An ex girlfriend also testified that he’d previously left her on the same mountain because she was too slow. And then there’s Jeremy. Jeremy. Machu Picchu Trek 2020 reported in the cut. He left his girlfriend behind on a multi day high altitude hike. Oh my god. I wonder if they did the Rainbow Trail. he later explained that he had repeatedly told her to train, hit the gym beforehand, and she made excuses. On the trail, she was complaining, panting, and miserable. And he decided, quote, I just don’t give up. You know? if you’re going to be miserable back there, I’m just not going to be a part of it. He left her lack of preparation or he felt her lack of preparation was self inflicted and should not ruin his experience. They were in a guided tour group with someone bringing up the rear, so he considered her physically safe. He said he probably would have done the same even if they’d been alone. Oh god. That’s amazing. And then the woman who went viral who also filmed herself going down rocks when she should have been holding on harder, According to her account, the primary source for this wildly discussed case, the man said at the time that he wanted to run ahead to reach the summit before the other hikers on the trail. They became separated that way. After she made it down and they reunited, his reported reaction showed little empathy, including a comment about her brainwashing herself with affirmations. No independent public statement from him appears to have surfaced. I feel like she explained herself. She told on herself just fine other reported patterns. In many women’s accounts and online discussions, the men offered real time or later rationalization such as different paces. She was too slow. Well, you can relate. Can’t you, Malcolm? This is not a woman man thing, though. Your mom walked like she was, I don’t know, like, hooking it to a delicious buffet. I that she really could walk. Wanting to push hard or reach the goal quickly, not realizing or claiming not to realize that separating was a problem. And in one Australian case oh, she was in Australia. I thought she was in some English Moors. This is the spicy Pisces four four four. The man later said he didn’t realize he couldn’t go off on his own and claimed she would not have survived alone in the wild. Oh, she claimed she wouldn’t have survived alone. Well, it is Australia. I mean, now that I know it was Australia, I don’t want anyone I don’t wanna be out there in Australia. My god. Anyway. Yeah, I think a lot of it comes to poor communication and mismatched expectations. But, yeah, that’s I love I love her her hiking companion, the original woman’s hiking companion being like, look. You’re brainwashing yourself into thinking this was a situation that you didn’t totally buy into. I told you I was going ahead. And, yeah, that trail was like I I I given how how little she walked before coming across another hiker, I I think it’s pretty obvious that the trail was crowded at that point, and the guy just wanted to beat the traffic essentially to get to the top. Because it it sucks. If you’re on a kind of narrow and it it was clearly a high incline that they were hiking on. You do not wanna be stuck behind slow people trying to climb to the top, like,
Malcolm Collins:
start to see dangerous in some parts. It’s be be
Simone Collins:
Well, yeah, you don’t wanna be behind someone, like, that looks unstable and, like, could fall over. So I totally get him. Like, I would be in the same position. With a whiner the
Malcolm Collins:
whole time. Just a lever to die on the mountain.
Simone Collins:
Time. Yeah. Look. You’re still a pretty good hiker. You made it to the top of that summit wearing fairy goblins. That was so funny. We we made a mistake. We made a mistake in in Aspen. And some people were like, oh, this is a nice trail. And we’re like, this is awful steep. What’s going on?
Malcolm Collins:
Yeah. Stay away from the steep trails. In addition to staying away from steep trails, stay away from steep roads. Too dangerous. Oh, yeah. I don’t even think you should live in an area with steep roads. I think it’s
Simone Collins:
too Someone was once took us on, like, a, like, a little car tour on a family vacation. And the driver was like, now we’re gonna go on, like, this portion. I’ve never seen someone do this on, like, a tour before. But Malcolm was just like, no. You’re not. We’re not going there. Like, you just you just completely nixed, like, three hours of an entire tour, and you’re just
Malcolm Collins:
like, nope. I will not put myself in a situation where I could randomly die for a simple three hour car tour.
Simone Collins:
Honestly, you probably would’ve had a stroke or, like, a heart attack had we had we done that anyway because you’re super freaking afraid of heights. What was that road called?
Malcolm Collins:
I don’t remember. The Road Of Death or something?
Simone Collins:
I think it I think I really do think it was called something like the Road Of Death. Hold hold on. Was in Telluride. People die on it all the time. Because, yeah, it was your mom, dude. There are just
Malcolm Collins:
so many dangerous things that people do without thinking about how dangerous they are.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. And you’d be like, well, I’ll go. And I’m
Malcolm Collins:
like, no. You will not, Simone. I’m not having the the wife and mom of my kids put in a dangerous situation like that.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Fair enough. Super fair. I think Oh, yeah. It would have been four hours.
Malcolm Collins:
Don’t think about how dangerous dangerous things they do are.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. I I think that’s I think that’s very true. Like, same thing with the the whole we we were another and this was the most luxurious family vacation I’ve you know, we’ve it was someone’s, like, blowout birthday. They had a lot of money, so they did a luxury safari, and we were invited. It was it was humbling. It was amazing. It was one of the coolest trips ever. Not most fun, but coolest and most luxurious. And, like, Malcolm kept asking as we’re, like, in these open jeeps next to lions and cheetahs and elephants and and hippos. Like, hey. How do they I mean, what keeps us safe from these wild animals that are famous for killing humans? They’re like, look. They’re they’re habituated to the vehicles. Like, they basically don’t see them. And we’re like, I don’t know about that. And then at one at one point, this elephant, like, rushes our car in the darkness, And we knew that we were in actual danger because immediately, the driver, like, cuts the vehicle and is like, no. Actually, shut off right now. And he looked so freaking scared. And as soon as we got back, he, like, ran to the staff section. And then later at the end of the trip, there was, like, a dinner where we got to hang out with more of the staff. And I think, Malcolm, you had asked them. You’re like, no. But really, like, is no one hurt by the animals? And they’re like, oh, yeah. Last week, our friend was killed by a lion because, like, tourists wanted to get a better look or something. And it’s just like, wait. Just like last week, your friend was just killed by a like, no. People die all the freaking time.
Malcolm Collins:
Yeah.
Simone Collins:
And it’s just it’s just a matter of, like, well, if the industry is lucrative enough, people will like, they’ll take you there. Like, peep a Sherpa will take you to the top of Everest because you pay them. You know, someone’s gonna drive you on an incredibly dangerous cliffside road because you pay them. Someone will take you on a safari, surround you with dangerous wild animals. They can they can trample you or hurt you at any point because you pay them. Like, that doesn’t mean you’re gonna survive this. In fact, I think recently in Yellowstone, there there was one or two instances of in one of the big, like, guy or, like, it’s it’s one of those volcanic hot pools, like, really hot, like, in really hot pools where they found a shoe with someone’s foot inside it. Just not great. Yeah. Like, just just don’t. There You there’s so many things you could
Malcolm Collins:
do that won’t get you immediately killed.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Just don’t. And, also, like, I think people think about, oh, well, skydiving. Like, I think probably the stats on skydiving are just talking about skydiving accidents, like the parachute not opening properly when they’re not talking about the rate of accidents in those super rickety planes. Like, I remember when I went skydiving, I was like, oh, I’m gonna die in this plane. Like, this oh, I thought about the skydiving part, but I didn’t think about the plane part because they are, like, held together literally with tape, which is disturbing. So it’s very true. It’s very true. But, anyway, I I I think the most disturbing thing about this isn’t abandoning women on hiking trips. I’m most concerned about women getting this very skewed perspective about what female solo travel is like from influencers, again, who will make it look good because they get money for it. But in the end, like, it’s not a good idea to wear a white T shirt and no bra or just honestly to, like, hike alone as a female at all. Right? But to do so, as you say, literally dressed like bait is worrisome.
Malcolm Collins:
Oh, look. It’s bait.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Anyway, I hope she posted all of those videos and stuff after she finished hiking the trail because I’m sure I mean, she has a lot of followers on
Malcolm Collins:
this I mean, I I don’t think women also realize how much more dangerous our countries are getting as you’re letting in. Because I I could say that try going to Egypt and dressing like this. You know? Yeah. Don’t. Yeah. You you are gonna get so if you if you dress like this or or to need
Simone Collins:
to don’t. Like, eve and even if someone doesn’t attack you, like, even if you’re in a very crowded place and you’re not isolated and alone. Like, when your mom took her friends to Marrakesh on that trip, and she warned them about, like, dressing reasonably, but they didn’t. And then that one of her friends got spit on, like, just at one of them are And
Malcolm Collins:
and and that’s, like, obviously not the worst that could happen.
Simone Collins:
No. That’s that’s the best that could happen. Yeah. Like, honestly. But, like, you you don’t want that experience.
Malcolm Collins:
So just But the the point I’m making is is now those people exist in our national parks.
Simone Collins:
Well, I don’t know if they’re in our national
Malcolm Collins:
national
Simone Collins:
They they go to national parks? Egyptians camp too. We’re not we’re not singling out Egyptians. Or what do you call someone from Morocco? Moroccans, obviously. Okay. Sorry. I was thinking Marrakesh. Marrakeshians.
Malcolm Collins:
Marrakeshians? What’s that what’s that place we we signal out all the time because of fraud? That’s probably a better example. India? No. In Africa. East Africa.
Simone Collins:
Of this Somalia. Somalia. Somalia. Yeah.
Malcolm Collins:
You dress like that in Somalia.
Simone Collins:
Oh. Let’s see. Yeah. Nigeria isn’t there’s, like, the scammy part, and then there’s, like, the really, really awesome part or so I’m told by this one Nigerian YouTuber who, like, really hates some Nigerians but thinks that, like, his group is the best.
Malcolm Collins:
I mean, Nigerian immigrants are not particularly known for scams or anything like that.
Simone Collins:
No. They’re among, like, the top performers. Yeah. I I think it’s it’s very similar with, like, Brahmin Indian tech workers where, like, it gives this very skewed perspective of the entire nation because you get, like, some of the brightest and wealthiest people coming to certain sectors. But I think that shifts depending on what the industry is, like, where the sort of family cohorts are are forming and stuff. I don’t know. I don’t know. Let’s yeah. Anyway, look. If you’re into ladies who like hiking and you wanna like, OF has a lot of stuff for you there. So that’s great. I don’t know if it’s, like, more popular than other genres. I’m sure if I searched, like, video game, it would give me a billion results. But yeah. What I see what I see happening overall with this discourse is this just being another angle by which women are basically speciating from men. Women are like, look. You can’t you can’t hike with a man. You should do everything yourself. It’s it’s it’s a reinforcement. You think that the the the man versus bear meme would have severed by now, but this is, like, man versus bear redux of, no. But, really, here’s more proof that we should choose the bear. Men will leave you in the middle of nowhere. And, yeah, I I we’re in a we’re in a difficult position. People have requested that we do a full on, like, detailed episode on, like, how to win over a young leftist woman because I think they want, like Dress up
Malcolm Collins:
as a bear and go in the woods.
Simone Collins:
Or a man, a basket. Be a basket. Yeah. Maybe we’ll do that. I I don’t know. Chime in in the comments if you actually want us to because Okay. We can actually get tactical. I just feel like it’s gonna be really boring because it it kind of is. I’m sure it was desperately boring for you. So sorry.
Malcolm Collins:
So which episode do wanna run tomorrow? This one or the one before it?
Simone Collins:
God. I really love the one before it. Okay.
Malcolm Collins:
You had fun talking about Wicker Man and female gooders?
Simone Collins:
I do not. For the record, I really don’t wanna watch Wicker. I saw that preview, and I my face matched yours the first time I watched it. I was like, no. No. I mean, like, half the comments on the preview on YouTube were just like the splinters. No. But, anyway, I’m I’m very entertained by the whole thing. So, yeah, I think we should do that one. How? God.
Malcolm Collins:
The scratches?
Simone Collins:
Yeah. I can’t touch that part of my
Malcolm Collins:
skin. By yeah. You gotta migrate him to be part of the goof patrol. He’s growing too fast. He’s too mobile.
Simone Collins:
Monster. The teeth, the claws. Maybe we have a werewolf, son. What is this? Gonna get, like, bitten to death.
Malcolm Collins:
Imagine when he joins the other kids in the fights that they all wanna have.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Except, like I don’t know. Our our kids know how to play gentle, and he doesn’t yet. So I don’t know. I’m a little I’m a little concerned. But Indy freaking loves him. They all love him so much. Yeah. They should play together. They had sex with babying him and feeding him. And Oh my god.
Malcolm Collins:
They’ll need a little caretaker.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, they’re gonna be home tomorrow, so we can do that. But yeah. Okay. Alright. I’m making a mistake tonight. Yeah? Yeah.
Malcolm Collins:
And just heating up the queso from yesterday.
Simone Collins:
Steak and queso? Oh, that’s heat up
Malcolm Collins:
more than the queso we already have.
Simone Collins:
Oh, okay. I will then. I have a lot of queso. What? But I have two things at stake. I have a lot of queso. I know. We can figure out various things we can do with it, I’m sure.
Malcolm Collins:
Of course, we can. And it I’m I’m sure it’ll hold for a while too.
Simone Collins:
The cheese sauce. What could possibly go wrong? Well, probably a lot of thing. I don’t you know what? We’re not gonna think about it. I love you. And
Malcolm Collins:
Love you too. Ciao.
Simone Collins:
When you take pills, you act like you’re gonna die. I, like, worry about you every time. You
Malcolm Collins:
have no idea how bad they taste if they go down wrong.
Simone Collins:
And you like Yeah. I know those pills. No. So here’s what you do. Okay? Because I I, yeah, I I I just had to take a round of pills like that. You you fill your mouth with, in this case, milk. You could do water. Right? And then you leave the water in your mouth, heads up like this, drop the pill in, swallow. It goes in with the liquid. It never touches your tongue or anything in your mouth, and it goes down with the gulp. So you’re not getting it, like, any any remnant of it. Try it next time. Because the the medrol dose pack I had to take for the the two IVF rounds was like, ugh. It was bitter. It was super bitter, but it that worked like a charm. So just a just a thought. Just a thought. Pro tip. This is a this is an upset about pro tips. I’ll get right into it. You ready? Now that you’ve been through your travails of taking one pill.
Malcolm Collins:
Alpine divorce I’m learning about now.
Simone Collins:
Yeah. Okay.
Speaker 27:
Side note, we have finally added music video generation to rfab.ai, but it’s still in its alpha stage. If you’re unfamiliar with rfab.ai, it will be pinned in the top comment. It is where this video was made and edited. It was used to generate cool effects in this video, like the Japanese woman’s voice you heard earlier. And it’s the best place online for safe for work and not safe for work AI interactive stories, allowing you to explore virtual worlds, make videos, make art, translate documents, search every fiction database at once online or every non safe for work database at once online. You can find, again, a link in the pinned comment. Oh, and we have been improving our based AI system, so which is the system that can answer any question without political bias. Very advanced AI model that is completely honest, and we’ve had to use it for a few episodes to do research. And now it has stuff like audio to audio mode, so you can use it from your phone without needing to push buttons if you want or a push to talk button or a button that you can enable to let it give you images when it wants to. This is all alpha, not all tested yet, so I’m excited to see how it works. With the song coming up, it’s one of our older songs. So, obviously, it’s, you know, played in front of the kids. And one of my boys, as I’d mentioned, they came up, and they looked very concerned. And they go, daddy, why did mommy choose a bear?
Speaker 25:
In the woods so deep and dark, Simone walks alone at night. She meets a random grizzly grizzly there under pale moonlight. The man might talk, might charm, might lie, might cause a fright, but the bear just roars and hugs real tight. What a lovely sight. Oh, Simone. Oh, Simone. You chose the bear over every man out there without a care. You’ll replace the guys with paws and fur so fine. Simone’s got a new love story. First, I’m Valentine. Malcolm asked why pick the beast. He’s we’ll ir to own. You’ll trade the patriarchy for a furry friend. Simone’s new boyfriend’s got four legs in the air. Now Malcolm’s left to wonder why she sides with claws and teeth while he’s out here defending men grinding his teeth beneath. She’ll picnic with the big old brood chair salmon from the stream and whisper you’re more predictable than any man’s bad dream. Maybe one day she’ll come back home with bear hugs for the crew. But till then, she’s dancing wild where the tall pines grew. Malcolm sings this silly tune, half laughing, half in fear. My wife’s replaced all humankind with one big fuzzy dear, oh, Simone. Oh, Simone, you chose the bear.
